Jones Walks into a Bar
by penna.nomen
Summary: Jones is jealous of the fun Neal and Diana had on an undercover assignment, and he decides it's time to claim a little fun and glory of his own. Inspired by an AO3 Chocolate Box prompt: Neal and Jones undercover at a gay bar, platonic, snarky version.


_A/N: I imagine this story happening shortly after White Collar episode Need to Know (S2E02), and there are spoilers for that episode._

 _Trigger warning: Neal teases Jones about being a stalker._

 **Jones Walks into a Bar**

Clinton Jones became an FBI agent to uphold the law. Glory and fun weren't high priorities. At least, they weren't supposed to be. So it surprised him to be jealous of Diana when an assignment brought her both. After she went undercover as a high-end call girl, she received praise from Peter and she had the team roaring with laughter at her description of the experience.

Adding salt to the wound, when the boss announced they needed a volunteer to meet an informant at a gay bar, it felt like Peter was looking right at Jones when commenting that the informant believed FBI agents were too stuffy and straight-laced to be comfortable at the chosen location. "This is a test," Peter added. "We need to overcome his preconceptions about us in order to win his trust."

Even though Jones immediately raised his hand to volunteer, Peter picked Caffrey. Jones decided to ask why.

"It's not a reflection on you," Peter assured him. "But you have to admit, Caffrey's a chameleon. That's one of the reasons I recruited him, and if I don't make use of his talents, I can't justify keeping him on the team."

Whether glory and fun awaited Caffrey on this assignment, Jones couldn't say. But he did know neither was in the cards sitting in the van with Diana. They were playing second string tonight, listening as Caffrey ordered a drink and waited for the informant to show.

There was a ding as Caffrey's phone received a text. A moment later they heard him say, _"Running an hour late. Sounds like my date got cold feet."_

The bartender offered his sympathies and added, _"You said you met him online?"_

 _"_ _Yeah. Through that hot new dating app. I'm thinking of deleting it. This is the second time in a row I've been stood up."_

 _"_ _Hang around for an hour. He might still show,"_ the bartender advised _. "Even if he doesn't, there'll be plenty of other guys here to meet."_

Jones guessed this was part of the informant's test. It was one thing to hang out a few minutes waiting for him to show. Hanging out for an hour, flirting with the other patrons? That was more of a challenge. When Diana was in a similar situation, needing to pick up a client in her guise as a call girl, Neal had come to the rescue. Now Jones had the opportunity to be the rescuer.

"I'm going in," he said to Diana.

She nearly lost it, and Jones told himself the laughter was because of the innuendo and not a reflection on his undercover skills.

The bar was a curious mix of traditional and avant-garde. The floor, walls, and furniture were polished, dark hardwoods. The lights and decorations were a mash-up of neon and Dale Chihuly glass art in bright, primary colors. Most of the patrons wore expensive suits and looked like they'd come here from their jobs on Wall Street and upscale Manhattan firms. Neal was pretending to be an up-and-coming lawyer.

Jones always thought of him as _Caffrey_ when they were working, but if he was going to flirt with someone, being on a first-name basis seemed more natural.

He found Neal sitting at the bar and took the seat beside him. "Buy you a drink?" he offered.

Neal looked at him and chuckled. "Harvard? I thought you had a rule against dating anyone from work."

"I don't date associates. Now that you're a partner, we're on equal footing."

"I'm fair game," Neal paraphrased. He finished his martini. "You know, when I first met you, I thought you were hot. The whole Harvard thing got old, though. You've got a major superiority complex."

"I never said I was superior to anyone else because I got into Harvard. I just made the point that Harvard Law is a superior school."

"Columbia has an excellent law school, and I was top of my class."

Jones waved at the bartender. "Whiskey for me, and a refill for my friend." Then he turned to Neal. "Just because Harvard is better, that doesn't mean I don't respect Columbia."

The drinks arrived and Neal asked, "Want to get a table?"

They moved to a table and as they looked over the menu, Jones said, "Where's your boyfriend?"

"We split up."

"Sorry to hear that." The waiter arrived and after they ordered Jones asked, "Do you mind telling me what happened?"

"You know the show _Sex and the City_?"

Jones nodded. "That was my guilty pleasure before _Real Housewives_ came along."

Neal raised a brow, and Jones expected to be grilled about his taste in television. Apparently Neal was going to give him a pass for the moment, because he said, "Well, people kept telling Mozzie that he reminded them of Carrie's friend Stanford, and he decided to take advantage of it. He's moving to L.A. to become an actor. Didn't even try to convince me to transfer to a West Coast firm. Just dumped me flat."

"I don't get what you saw in him, anyway."

"He's funny and has a brilliant mind. I like someone who makes me think."

"Brilliant, but nuts. You can do better."

The waiter dropped off a couple of plates, and Neal ate one of the nachos. "You were serious about dating now that I'm a partner? I thought you were just kidding around."

"Maybe, but that was when I thought you were still in a relationship."

Neal grinned. "And before I said you were hot."

"And full of myself. That hurts, but I'm willing to overlook it because you're getting over your ex." Jones picked up a nacho, held it in front of Neal and then pulled it away when Neal opened his mouth. He ate the nacho himself.

"Tease." Neal pouted.

Jones picked up one of the sliders. "When things are too easy, you don't appreciate them. You need to work for you want."

Neal chuckled. "You're not easy, I'll give you that. I think you disapproved of me from the day we met."

"You seemed like the type to take shortcuts."

"No shortcuts for you, huh?"

"That's right. I believe in hard work."

Neal studied him. "Are you still talking about your work ethic, or have we moved on to double entendres?"

"At Harvard you learn to appreciate an economy of words."

"As I suspected." He ate another nacho. "The thing is, at Columbia you learn to take pride in your work. If I'm going to work as hard as you want, I need to know there's going to be a reward."

"I'm all for pride," Jones said. "I take pride in the fact that I expect hard work, and that I don't expect anyone to work harder than me."

There was a distant look in Neal's eyes for a moment and then he said, "Big talk, but am I supposed to be satisfied with words?"

Jones guessed that Neal was listening to Diana through the earpiece. An update on the informant, or was she giving Neal advice on what to say? "Not just words – a promise. You'll be satisfied. That is, if we're really doing more than flirting. I get the feeling you're just playing around."

"There's a lot to be said for playing around. Why not have some fun? Anyway, I just broke up with someone. I want to keep things light." He finished his martini and pushed the glass aside. "That's why I worry about getting involved with you. You take everything so seriously."

"You want a one-night stand?"

"I want to take things a day at a time. Have fun while it lasts, and part as friends."

"You assume things can't last between us."

Neal tapped his foot, the one that normally had an anklet. They'd removed it for this op. "In my experience, good things rarely do."

"What if it turned out to be better than good? Suppose we're great together. At some point, are you going to be willing to make a commitment?"

"Suppose it's nothing more than lust, and after a few weeks we're bored. Are you going to be willing to admit it's over and not become an obsessed stalker?"

Jones waved over the waiter and ordered another whiskey. "You think I'm the type to be a stalker?"

"I think you're extremely intense, and you don't like to fail at anything. You take it personally."

"Yes, but I've got boundaries!"

"Right," said Neal in a tone that indicated he didn't believe it.

"Stop it. I'm _not_ a stalker."

Neal grinned. "Even if that's what I want? I mean, not literally, but I like a little role-play. If I had a fantasy about an obsessive stalker boyfriend, would you be into that?"

A stranger pulled up a chair. "I would be sooo into that, beautiful."

"What the hell?" Jones had been so involved in the conversation, he hadn't noticed the informant approaching. And maybe he was shocked at the guy's comment.

"I'm Diego. Neal's date."

Jones glared at Neal. "You're on a date? You said you weren't seeing anyone."

Neal shrugged. "Online dating app. I thought he stood me up." He faced Diego and explained, "Harvard's an old friend who needs to lighten up a little. I feel compelled to tease him."

"I'm open to threesomes," Diego said.

Jones pushed his chair away from the table. "No. I'm not doing this." He stood up. "Neal, I thought we had something. When you come to your senses, let me know. This guy might be fun for a night or two, but he's gonna break your heart. You deserve better." He reached into his wallet, slapped some cash on the table and walked out.

Back in the van, Diana applauded. "Wait until the team hears about this."

Glory and fun. Jones was feeling smug about achieving them, but had to admit, "That was more challenging than I expected."

"Too stressful?" Diana asked.

"In a sense. I was scared I'd start laughing and blow my cover."

"Now you know how I felt, coming on to Neal and taking him up to the penthouse."

"I've never appreciated your skills more," Jones told her. After a pause he asked, "Were you coaching Neal on what to say? I could tell he was listening to you."

"Tempting, but he didn't need my help. He ignored my suggestion to call you _stiff_ and after that the only thing I said to him was how I saw Diego enter the bar and…" She held a hand up as she turned her attention to what she heard through her headphones. "They're leaving. Diego wants privacy for the information he's supposed to give us."

"I'm following them," Jones said. "Just to make sure this isn't a trap."

Diana grinned. "Tomorrow in the briefing I'm telling the team you took Diego up on the threesome."

 _A/N: That was a fun prompt! I love giving Jones humorous moments, and showcasing how well he works with Neal._

 _Thanks to Silbrith for working her beta reader magic!_


End file.
